~Heaven~
I gaze into your crystal blue eyes
A glimpse of heaven
Your sweet laugh drifts across the room
The sound of heaven
My arm around you--your head against mine
And I'm in heaven
To me you're simply
A tiny taste of heaven

~Heaven~ I gaze into your crystal blue eyes A glimpse of heaven Your sweet laugh drifts across the room The sound of heaven My arm around you--your head against mine And I'm in heaven To me you're simply A tiny taste of heaven |
Details
February 1, 2004
385 bytes 62.6 KB 800×531 StatisticsShare
Link
Thumb
|
Comments
thats all i can say thats like tha lovlyest thing ive read in a very very long time
suck a lucky chick dude
The diction is great too, the flow is simple, but it still works well. Why make it all flashy with big words, and complex metaphors, when the simple ones work so well?
Great job!
Keep it up!
Greg
--
To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important sacred or valuable...
To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility...
-Kurt Cobain [1967-1994]
If you want to see simple words, have a look at some of my stuff.
--
To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important sacred or valuable...
To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility...
-Kurt Cobain [1967-1994]
--
YoU KNOw yoU'rE INsaNe wHEn yOu TrY tO KiLL yoUr iMaGInarY FriEnD.. .. .
Line 2 stanza 3: lose the 'and'. It doesn't fir it with the rest of the poem.
This a a decnt poem. Very simple and pretty, but somewhat cliche'. Best of luck. I can't really find anything to critique on this poem, sorry
This critique brought to you by
--
WRITE MOTHERFUCKER
Previous Page12Next Page