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~Heaven~

I gaze into your crystal blue eyes
A glimpse of heaven

Your sweet laugh drifts across the room
The sound of heaven

My arm around you--your head against mine
And I'm in heaven

To me you're simply
A tiny taste of heaven
©2004-2009 ~nitzky
:iconnitzky:

Author's Comments

Wrote this for my gf...well obvious... <_< >_> w/e just read and critique plz

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconplumbaby:
wow
thats all i can say thats like tha lovlyest thing ive read in a very very long time
suck a lucky chick dude
:iconairmega23:
Hmmm. Simple and short, but it says so much! The emotion that you SHOW to the reader is so much more powerful than what you TELL them.
The diction is great too, the flow is simple, but it still works well. Why make it all flashy with big words, and complex metaphors, when the simple ones work so well?

Great job!
Keep it up!

Greg

--
To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important sacred or valuable...
To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility...

-Kurt Cobain [1967-1994]
:iconnitzky:
tnx a lot...ill work on the bigger words and try to keep it simple=)
:iconnitzky:
grrrrr i accidently posted the wrong pic...*is ashamed*
:iconairmega23:
No problem, You did a good job using the big words, just the fact that they are big makes it a lot harder to understand.

If you want to see simple words, have a look at some of my stuff.

--
To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important sacred or valuable...
To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility...

-Kurt Cobain [1967-1994]
:iconnitzky:
yeah theres the pic
:iconblind-faith:
Wow, one of the best poems I've read in a while...
:hug:

--
YoU KNOw yoU'rE INsaNe wHEn yOu TrY tO KiLL yoUr iMaGInarY FriEnD.. .. .
:stab::evillaugh::crazy::ignore:

:rose:Reach Out And Touch Faith:rose:
:iconnitzky:
beruay 00tway !!! lol... :hug: :w00t: XD
:iconsaint-nightmare:
First, You need to use puntuation.
Line 2 stanza 3: lose the 'and'. It doesn't fir it with the rest of the poem.
This a a decnt poem. Very simple and pretty, but somewhat cliche'. Best of luck. I can't really find anything to critique on this poem, sorry :blushes:

This critique brought to you by wecritique
:kiss:

--
WRITE MOTHERFUCKER

Details

February 1, 2004
385 bytes
62.6 KB
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